Recipe for (Mis)Adventure
Oftentimes when I mention to someone that I thru-hiked the Pacific Crest Trail (PCT) in 2016-2017 with my husband, Domonick, they ask if we were married at the time. I can’t help but smile and say, “Yes, and the marriage survived!”
Spending months hiking a long trail is no easy feat. Marriage on its own is not always effortless; compromises are made, arguments are worked through, and sharing a space with another human isn’t always paradise! Combine a long hike and a marriage, and unique challenges certainly creep in.
Challenges
When we hiked the PCT, I had very little hiking experience. I had been on several 2-3 night backpacking trips, but these were mostly leisurely hikes. Domonick was already an accomplished hiker, having thru-hiked the Appalachian Trail in 2011 and Continental Divide Trail in 2013 (both of these trails are over 2,000 miles). We had very different physical capabilities. To put it simply, he hiked much faster than me. My legs gradually strengthened, making us more compatible hikers (currently we keep comparable paces), but the beginning of the trail was difficult. I would hike in front and I could tell Domonick wanted to go faster. Eventually we took the approach of him leading. Sometimes he would venture quite a bit ahead, well out of sight. This approach led to me encountering a large black bear running across the trail in Northern California all by my lonesome. Needless to say, I unnecessarily panicked, and we stuck together more closely after that.
Not only is a long hike challenging physically, but it can be even more challenging emotionally and mentally. Trails (especially long trails) are roller coasters. Elation at the top of a mountain, exhaustion at the end of the day, pain due to chafe, happiness upon finding trail magic (generous friends of the trail sometimes leave goodies for hikers or invite them into their homes), self doubt, wind, rain, double rainbows, long water carries, town food, river fording, wet shoes, bug bites, a sense of accomplishment, sheer grit, tendonitis, the list goes on. When the going got tough and I had difficulty handling it, it was all too easy to blame it on my partner. I remember getting annoyed and giving sass to my biggest cheerleader. Certainly Domonick didn’t deserve to be the brunt of a meltdown, but he was the only one around. It took me longer than it should have to realize that I have total control of my reactions and any inner turmoil is just that. It is INSIDE and there is really nothing in the environment that can change the way how we feel and act. It is completely up to us. This is a tough lesson to learn, but I do my best each and everyday to detect when I’m getting agitated by something. I can then take a step back and deal with it gracefully.
Over the course of five months on the trail, Domonick and I had about three hours of alone time. These occurred when we were in towns that had yoga classes I attended. Other than that, we were within yelling distance 24/7. I think I speak for the both of us when I say that we value our time together, but sometimes it’s nice to have time to oneself!
Both Domonick and I are extremely inefficient at making decisions. I overthink and Domonick doesn’t always speak his mind. Put us together and choosing what type of salad dressing to buy at the store can be a 5-minute ordeal. Daily mileage, food shopping, and campsite selection are just a few decisions that need to be made on the trail. I’d like to say that we have gotten better at making decisions together, but the recent purchase of our first house has proven otherwise.
Advantages
Domonick and I have completed several long trails post-PCT (including the Long Trail and Camino del Norte) and after my aforementioned realization, personal development, and stronger legs, we hike together splendidly. I think the biggest advantage to hiking with a partner is having a shared experience. There have been so many beautiful vistas that were made all the more special because it was shared. Crazy stuff can happen out on the trail and Domonick and I often are reminded of some funny event (perhaps not funny at the time!) that we reminisce over.
Logistically, hiking with a partner can make your pack weigh less! Domonick and I share a two-person tent when we backpack. He carries the tent itself, and I carry the poles, stakes, and groundsheet. Sharing a tent with someone adds warmth on a cold night (however, you also have to deal with that person’s body odor after being without a shower on the trail for multiple days). You can also split up cooking gear. We keep our food mostly separate, but sometimes we share some special treats we have packed for ourselves. When it is time to set up camp, having two people can make camp chores easier. One person can set up the tent while the other person collects water, for example.
Hiking in the wilderness is much safer than many think. However, hiking with a partner can give you a sense of security. If you aren’t carrying a GPS device that can contact help, your partner can search for help if you are in a serious bind. In addition to security, you may feel less lonely with a partner! I personally enjoy solitude at times and don’t mind a quiet campsite. It can get lonely though and it would be nice to have a companion to talk to.
Lastly, there can be expenses on a longer hike, such a hotel rooms, meals, or transportation in trail towns. When you’re hiking with a partner, these costs are cut in half.
Conclusions
While there are several challenges to hiking with a significant other, it ultimately brought Domonick and I closer. You can’t recreate what we experienced in the wilderness in the day-to-day of a 9-5 life. Our experiences together will be cherished forever!
After gaining confidence hiking with Domonick, I went on my first solo backpacking trip at the beginning of 2017. There are advantages and disadvantages of hiking alone, just as when hiking with a significant other. If you are considering going for a hike either by yourself or with a significant other, there are bound to be situations you haven’t expected. Each time on a the trail is a learning experience. If you choose to hike with Hiawatha Hiking Company, we can take some of the anxiety and unknowns out of the equation, especially if you’re brand new to backpacking. We schedule a Skype session (or phone call) prior to all trips to help prepare you for your adventure! We will give you guidance on what to bring, what to wear, and how to set up your tent. Our guided tours also provide information on local history, something you may miss if you were out there by yourself, worried about how to dry your ill-chosen clothing! Come by your lonesome, meet new friends, and learn something about yourself. Or bring along your significant other, meet like-minded hikers, and get ready for an adventure =)
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Happy Trails,
Carolyn (Co-owner and Operator)