Final Reflections
Connection
I started the drive back to the UP the following day. As I was driving on 61, I saw a southbound thru-hiker I had met near Carlton Peak. He was hiking on the gitchi-gami trail on the Gooseberry detour. He was using sticks as trekking poles and booking it like a mad man. He had that determined thru-hiker look, getting some easy miles in. I wondered if the other cars driving by knew what he was up to? Did they know this guy was spending rainy nights out in the woods, breathing in beautiful vistas of Lake Superior, drinking yellow-ish water from rivers, dirt and grime under his fingernails? Or did they think he was homeless, on a day-hike, or walking to a friend’s house? Perhaps they didn’t notice him at all. I felt a connection to the man that I imagined few to no other passerby did.
I am so grateful I was able to take this time to get away and hike, to walk from one place to another. That’s all a thru-hike is, putting one foot in front of the other. After spending the past six months feeling as though I was operating under everybody else’s whim, I needed to do something on my terms, to set and reach a personal goal. I have struggled in the past with needing validation from others, with letting the words and actions of other people hurt my feelings and make me feel small. You don’t need to walk 260 miles to get over this. In fact, dealing with an issue such as that is a continuous journey with ongoing internal work to be done. But walking 260 miles allowed me to connect once more to the wild spaces that I love. Through this connection, a space I am continually attempting to unveil, I have started to move past people’s ratings of me, their comments, and preconceived notions.
Non-attachment
This hike reminded me that I don’t need validation from others and honestly, that Mother Earth does not give a sh!t. Mother Earth does not care that you’re freezing, or you have an unreasonable fear of wolves, or that your feet are tired, or that you need to take a poo when there is no pit toilet in sight, or you don’t feel like carrying three liters of water, or that mud is a pain to walk through. She simply is.
Mother Earth will provide for you if she is respected. If you take care of her and listen to her wisdom, she will take care of you. By joining her rhythm of sunrise and sunset (anyone heard of “hiker midnight”??), we move with the grain of the world. Raging against a wild space never did anyone an ounce of good, we all become losers. Mother nature doesn’t take things personally or hold a grudge, and neither should we. I am continually working to let go. To let go of others’ expectations and judgments. To be kindness and compassion. To be understanding and nonjudgmental myself. And when interacting with someone who does not operate under those values? If I have realized it is pointless trying to control nature, maybe one day I can apply this wisdom to other people’s actions, expectations, and perspectives. Relinquishing control and non-attachment, learning points on my path.
Empowerment
What to do when someone tells you that you aren’t smart enough, pretty enough, strong enough? It is easy to say that other people’s opinions do not matter, because they don’t. However, for those of us still affected by other people’s words and judgments (us non-enlightened folk), it may be time to look inward. There is peace, grace, love, and spirit within. Can we swim through that pool of negativity, regret, shame, and inadequacy (self-imposed and/or imposed by others) to reach something higher? For me, perhaps I received some external validation by completing a hike, but on that hike, I started to relinquish control. Being solo, with few critics, I began to let go of thoughts, allowing myself to just “be”. I also began to tap into my own perseverance, power, and strength. Through my strength, I found grace on a climb. Through that power, my love for the gift of my body grew. By putting one foot in front of another, I found peace at the top of a mountain.
For anyone that wants to accomplish a goal. Set your goal. Set a lofty goal and don’t listen to the critics. I can’t tell you how many people were in disbelief I was hiking alone. “You’re by yourself??!!” I would shrug my shoulders and tell them I was. People have even used the term “brave”. I can’t help but think these reactions would be different if I was male. What’s with the stigma of women in the wilderness? Do not let people’s expectations put you in a box.
Humility
After accomplishing my goal of hiking from Duluth to Canada, the leaves were changing with spectacular reds, yellows, and oranges on my drive back to the UP and I was reminded that not only is Minnesota’s North Coast special, but my hometown is too. Change is coming, most notably a lot of white stuff after the leaves fall, but hopefully also a change in myself. I hope to completely internalize the empowerment, non-attachment, and peace I experienced on my trip. Values that can easily fall by the wayside in our rat race of a world. Later into the drive, there was a nearly full, giant moon hovering over town. She lit the way and reminded me of the sacredness of our surroundings and I felt extremely humbled to be on this Earth. What a special place to walk this windy path.
